Silent Sentiments

just got busy

Never been in friendster and all related sites ah... guess that's what being busy is all about. haaar! and after a few days off, the macbook has finally decided to work (cheers!) I was finally realizing, slowly that is to say, that I want to write... I now speak much (because of the nature of my job), but then I want to challenge myself more into something I never explored before... hmn... lets see.

people who misses my sms, emails and stuff... apologies... just got busy!

=)

WoW! its been like centuries since i last visited this blog. hihi walang laman... ala lang... got nothing much to do, its good friday, went out to buy icecream and a betadine for our bruised puppy... i dvd marathon all day. trying so hard to make the most of my 4 day vacation.

restless

i play the ultimate insensitive today. i callously ignore my mom who begs me to man the shop for her. (no wonder she didn't trust me at all...she knows already better than I do, leaving that job to me will hasten its downfall. I don't blame her though. I can do all the chores...just please don't let me gawk at those customers and play the 'manager'...not me. uh-uh!). But I know that I couldn't resist her... I still have half the halo in me. and so I did.

Why did I ever read that Johanna Lindsey novel...elksh! I couldn't put it down, its just not my habit to close the book, after all I've been laboring for it for days so I could finish before I announce I will never read a romance novel again.

i guess its just another day of yawning...got nothing to do and i feel useless everyday. everynight i stare at my ceiling and wondering if tomorrow would be the same as the last...or if tomorrow would be another daw of staring at the ceiling and another day of rumenating: 'will tomorrow night i'd be doing this again?' surely, life is becoming so routinary nowadays.

im so wasted and selfish

I didn't know i can survive a single day not talking to anyone. hellyeah! I did. and of course, these silent days usually meant thinking days. I so wanted to repost this to my multiply but em so freakin' scared that someone might comment on it. As you can see...that site didn't know when and what censorship is...because that deym site tells all to almost everyone who has an IP.

anywae, I didn't speak at all today. errr...my sally-saliva probably has solidified, but all the thoughts clouding above my head is so disturbingly there.

what could I be thinking? I didn't exactly know. Because it's just so innumerable and imperceptible to discriminate one from the other.

Mom wants me to do an errand today...and yes, I ignore it. It is as if she just farted the words out without anyone listening or hearing her. How nice is that?

Father did turn off the TV when apparently I am watching??! I really want to throw words, I just can't. I still have this memory of yesterday, I've waited for like hours in NSO, I've had an exchange of words with one employee...to make the long story short, I was pissed off! But anyway, later that day, my conscience give a slap on my face and told me: "ito na nga lang hindi mo pa magawa for your parents." Urgh! I hate it when I'm doing fencing with my conscience. kase, ive never won a fight.

My ate's trying to start a conversation...but I'm just so not interested in everything she has to say... because everything about what she's trying to say is about NURSING OOOOOOOOOOR NURSING. Sometimes, I do pretend I'm listening for the sake of not hurting her feelings...but to be honest, I don't wanna hear anything about NURSING anymore. What do I care about it? It's either I'm not interested or I'm not interested. haha!

well, another day of selfishness... (sighs...)

I've never been more sad in my life... I can no longer stand the feeling of being so regreful, slacking off wasting energy, always missing a great opportunity, spurning everything until I regret another... then I wont feel good about it. I am so not growing... and honestly, I'm tired.

If we would only stop to reflect, we would realize that we have more blessings than we like to think we have. And yet, we are still ungrateful, stubborn and unrepentant, and even lazy to do the tasks the Great Provider of those blessings has given us. We often take life for granted until something miserable happens to wake us out of our lethargy. GOD WILL NEVER FORCE US BUT HE WILL SURELY HELP US TO GROW AND BEAR FRUIT FOR OTHERS TO EXPERIENCE.  -mcg/sanjuan

--> nothing can be more truer than what this person said. And I consider myself a suspect on this crime.

My Song

DO I MAKE YOU PROUD

-Tailor Hicks-

I've never been the one to raise my hand,

That was not me and now that's who I am

Because of you I am standing tall,
My heart is full of endless gratitude,
You were the one, the one to guide me through,
Now I can see and I believe it's only just beginning
This what we dream about
but the only question with me now
Is do I make you proud
Stronger than I've ever been NOW
Never been afraid of standing out
But do I make you proud

I guess I've learned, to question is to grow
That you still have faith, is all I need to know
I've learned to love, myself in spite of me
And I've learned to walk, the road that I believe

This what we dream about
but the only question with me now
Is do I make you proud
Stronger than I've ever been NOW
Never been afraid of standing out
But do I make you proud

Everybody needs to rise up
Everybody needs to be loved, to be loved

This what we dream about
but the only question with me now
Is do I make you proud
Stronger than I've ever been NOW
Never been afraid of standing out
But do I make you proud

This what we dream about
but the only question with me now
Is do I make you proud
Stronger than I've ever been NOW
Never been afraid of standing out
But do I make you proud

Do I make you proud?
Do I make you proud?

comments: I love this song...reminds me of some of my insecurities in life. yay!

110% Bored Stiff

WHAT I DO NOW:
OMG! I am LITERALLY doing NOTHING... N-O-T-H-I-N-G! (sigh!) as in, I am doing the same thing almost everyday, and this isn't normal anymore. I am useless, I can't find any significance in what I do, and I am BORED to death. I will constantly update my planner, read my daily scripture guide, jot some thoughts, do my journal, clean my room, clean the entire house, television ON, browse channels, turn TV Off, grrr... internet, chat, update all what existing accounts (freaky friendster, multi Multiply, blogs), post a comment on any forum I got interested with (mostly about Rain), music trip, food trip, read magazine, nothing interesting --> then i'll go upstairs and find some books to read, Hay! almost read it all --> nothing new! then, I'll read it again... wATda???... I am getting tired of doing NOTHING... hay!!!

WHAT I AM MISSING:
I Miss everything... school, classmates, friends, professor, Beach House, Sunken, Vinzons, Palma Hall, Sir Tonton, Sir Franco, CaSAA, student rallyist, Katipunan, Ikot, Toki,  SM North (tambay), Gateway Mall (tambay agen), freecut, cut! Hay I miss all those pleasures of being a student...

WHAT'S AHEAD:
Don't know... I am under intense rumination! I would probably study again soon... I told my parents about it, well not totally... My mom. She's cool with it... that's good. Plans were already there, no clear idea when or how to actualize it. Waiting for my dream job... Hay! regretfully turning down what I think is not for me... I should wake up soon!!! Be more appreciative of what is coming... eh?

behind those walls

If there is one fair reason why I don’t want to call him ‘father,’ it is because I feel that we’re more of a daughter and a father literally defined by the words; without emotional involvement. And I regret growing this feeling of slight aloofness. It is really funny how I always recollect my self at the end of the day – remembering the maximum chance of wrapping a conversation with him, and then I realize I only got to talk to him answering his one-million peso question: Where is your mother? This is a routine, 24/7. And the best way I answer it is to pretend that I don’t know her whereabouts; shrug my shoulders and reply: “upstairs!”

I have never hated him nor do I want to. After all, he is behind all the reason why we have accomplished much in this world, why I have accomplished something and why our family is still complete.

the lesson: The easiest part of being a daughter is being able to hear her mother’s pain and the hardest part - not knowing how to help.

Song: F.U.N. Song Lyrics

(Speaking Part)
Spongebob: It's not about winning, it's about fun!
Plankton: What's that?
Spongebob: Fun is when you...fun is...it' like...it's kinda...sorta like a...
What is fun?? HERE...Let me spell it for you!

Spongebob:
F is for Friends who do stuff together.
U is for You and me.
N is for Anywhere and anytime at all.

Sea Creatures:
Down here in the deep blue sea!

Plankton:
F is for Fire that burns down the whole town.
U is for URANIUM...BOMBS!
N is for No survivors when you're-

Spongebob:
Plankton! Those things aren't what fun is all about!
Now, do it like this,
F is for Friends who do stuff to-

Plankton:
Never! That's completely idiotic!

Spongebob:
Here, Let me help you...
F is for friends who do stuff together.
U is for You and me, TRY IT!

Plankton:
N is for Anywhere and anytime at all.

Sea Creatures:
Down here in the deep blue sea!

Plankton:
Wait...I don't understand ...I feel all tingly inside...
Should we stop?

Spongebob:
No! That's how you're supposed to feel!

Plankton:
Well I like it! Lets do it again!

Spongebob:
Okay!

Spongebob & Plankton:
F is for Frolic through all the flowers.
U is for Ukelele.
N is for Nose picking, chewing gum, and sand licking.
Here with my best buddy.

(Laughing part)

Sea Creatures:
Down in the deep blue sea.